Dear Winner,

I am dating a guy, who has three friends. They are sisters. He has dated and hooked up with all of them. They go clubbing together - without me - and I think it is weird. Am I being too judgmental? Should I be worried.

Sincerely,

Minnesota Sweetie

P.S. Should I run away screaming or try and be open-minded?
P.P.S. He does not want to wear a condom.

Dear MS,

Seriously? Seriously? This is what I have to start with? I was hoping to show some insight, something to show that I have some right to write an advice column, and something to set me apart from those in the field already, but anyone reading this knows exactly how I'm going to answer, and exactly who I'm quoting:

D.T.M.F.A.

In case this particular acronym (coined by the second holiest of advice columnists and my third favorite homosexual gentleman, Dan Savage) has not reached your metropolis as of yet, I'll explain: Dump The Mother-Fucker Already. Our mutual friend has also informed me you are on local television in your area, which means whatever other qualifications you have, you are at least middling hot, and that the three sisters advice you to stay with this Quality Individual.

So, a man with no local ties and his paraincestuous triumvirate of ex-girlfriend sisters all agree you should have unsafe sex with him? I hope you understand you have a vote--the vote--in just who gets to play with and in your vagina, and as a middling hot (or better?) local celebrity, you can do better than this freak!

P.S. Run. Hold the screaming. Don't judge, but protect yourself!
P.P.S. Is a night of fun with an exotic man worth unwanted pregnancy (which, depending when it comes and how the election goes, may mean a return to backroom abortions), herpes, AIDS, etc? It is easy to get laid as a local celebrity. It is not easy to get laid as a local celebrity with herpes.

Sincerely,

HTWAS

Dear Winner,

We've known each other nine years, you've seen me through many relationships, and lately I'm feeling the sting--what am I doing wrong?  Could you please tell me at least two things I could improve about my approach to relationships?  I asked my parents, they avoided answering.  My mother, when pressed, offered only the phrase, "Only Child Syndrome."  Can you offer anything more helpful?

Sincerely,

NK

Dear NK,

It sounds like you're feeling a little unsure of yourself--and whether that's a recent development or a lifelong problem, it's no way to go through life and no way to win at sex.  Why assume you're doing something wrong?  You've been through a few relationships, sure, and none seem to fit quite right just yet.  Nobody's relationship fits quite right until they find the one that does.  That's no reason to start changing yourself or compromising what you want before the next relationship even begins!

Suppose you have decided to buy a car.  You've chosen the make, model, year, color, features, and determined a reasonable price.  You've located a dealership that has exactly this car in stock and a sticker price on the close order of what you had in mind.  On the way to the dealership, do you start telling yourself what features you can do without, how much more you could pay, what other cars you could be talked into?

Of course not!  You know what you want, you've worked for it, and you're going to get it, aggressive salesmen be damned.  This may be something of a crass metaphor for seeking true love, but the essence of it is this--why not start out assuming you deserve everything you want in a relationship?  Once you get there, meet the boy or girl, you may find you have to do without this or that or contribute the other thing that you'd rather hold back, but if you're twisting yourself up to fit someone you've yet to meet, or dating people who aren't on the close order of what you're looking for in the first place, they're not going to be happy with you, you're not going to be happy with them, neither of you will be happy with yourselves, and you may even find you weren't dating each other anyway, but only the people you were pretending to be.  Maybe something can be salvaged, but you'll have to start over getting to know each other, and building trust, and wondering if you'll have to start again and again!

So:  Determine the make, model, year, color,  and features you want, and the price you're willing to pay.  Do you want a handsome man?  A smart man?  A kind man?  All of the above?  Don't judge yourself here--if you only only want a 6'2" Tamil with a Masters degree in horseback riding, hold out for that.  I'm no romantic of the, "He's out there, waiting for you," school, but if you have some idea what you want, in a world of ten billion people, you can probably find someone remarkably similar, and even one who even has someone remarkably similar to you in mind.  I did it, and from my first date to my current committed, monogamous relationship only took ten years!

Sincerely,

HTWAS

Dear Winner,

How will I learn to win at sex now?

Sincerely,

BW

Dear BW,

Check back here often, and send your questions to howtowinatsex@gmail.com